school and not being in school

It hasn't really hit me yet in full, the fact that I'm a graduate and a registered nurse at that. A young adult that needs to be employed or atleast starting to take steps to be employed. I realized it last Sunday, while hitting the road with my whole family, when my over achiever sister posed me this mind boggling question- Ate, ano mas okay.. nag-aaral parin or graduate na?

Can I honestly say that I'M ACTUALLY TORN? I cannot give her a straight and debate worthy answer. 

Here's the deal:

After fifteen years of uniforms, deadlines, textbooks, terror teachers and awesome ones, grades to maintain, responsibilities to look after to, relationships, school traffic, homework, projects, duties to attend, case presentation preparations, oral and written exams, piles of hand outs, pencil case full of high lighters and everything that comes with school, SCHOOL'S OVER. And yes, I am relieved! The burden of school was EXTREMELY EXHAUSTING. As part of the batch's organization, every single time that we spearhead a graduating event, it will hit me: I AM SO, SO, SO TIRED. I am sick of being all about school. Suddenly, the four years of college seems to weigh me down. Four years of keeping the nerd mode on. Four years of studying even for a ten item quiz. Four years of preparing for every prelim, midterm & final exam. Four years of giving my best. Four years of non-stop work. At the end of the day, all I want to do is hide under my blanket and sleep.

So, being not in school, loosens the tight strings in my chest. And a deep breath comes out. *deep breath* The sadness takes a back seat on this one. I'm more of relieved. Thank God, I came out alive! 

On the other hand... (here's where the dilemma sets in hehehe)

I'm relieved school is over but I'm also terrified of what happens after. 

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW NOT TO BE A STUDENT. AT ALL. I wish there was a self help book available for this matter. I've always been a student as what my memory bank can serve. There was always a handout to read, a test to ace, a project to cram for, a book to be studied. I cannot imagine a year without two semesters and a late mail that sends my grade to my parents. My hands are trembling as I switched the nerd mode OFF. 

Plus, it (not being in school) has it's downsides:

1. no regular allowance; but you're lucky if your parents love you so much (Thanks Paps!!)

2. boredom kills as much as tons of studying do

3. you're the instant house helper slash yaya slash errands girl/boy

4. YOU ARE OBLIGED TO LOOK FOR A JOB. ASAP!; and a sign welcomes you, too. "HELLO REAL WORLD! BYE IDLENESS!!"

5. you have no reasons to go out. sort of a bummer! you have to let your hidden charms work BIG TIME! 

Here's an instance I know most of you can relate (especially my nurse friends hehe :)

It's quite nakakahiya during elementary or high school get togethers where everyone brags about their new job. (well, not really brag but more of telling a background of the company they're working for and the pay check of course!) They turn to you and say "Oh ikaw san ka ng hospital nagwowork?" And in front of your engineer, CPA and economist friends, you go into details about the current unemployment issue of nurses in our country. In short, still unemployed! And boy, the feeling is disturbing. Right? Sila kumikita na. Eh ikaw? Wala pang nangyayari sa buhay mo. That's when you badly want to take baby steps to employment. Kahit baby steps lang. This is "what happens after" is. 

Yes, I'm scared and bit worried at the same time. Will I get a hospital job after my 6 months training? Can I make a living? Will I excel at my profession? A lot of questions going into my head right now. Above all this, I'm just glad I'm worrying because after this career crisis, I have reasons to be thankful and relieved. :) 

So I arrive at two points: 1) school is exhausting but can be really missed and 2) not being in school can be pretty taxing too. 

At the end of the day, I'm just lucky to have experienced both. School and not being in school. 

I'm excited of what comes after the second point. A lot of opportunities await! Slowly but surely. I'm ready to square my shoulders and embrace what lies ahead.

And to my sister, take that as an answer. 

Happy Day everyone! God Bless :)

Smile! Life is so, so, so wonderful!! :)