RN akooooo!! :)

I MAY HAVE FAILED THE EXPECTATIONS OF OTHERS, BUT GOD WILLING, I DID NOT FAILED MY OWN.

Day two of the nursing board exams, as I clean the clutter out of my desk, I took a deep breath and while I put my things inside my bag, I told myself "Lord, just let me pass the exam." That was it. I didn't ask for a standing in the Top Ten. It was as simple as that.

Grueling was the days full of uncertainty. Waiting is indeed an agony! We continued to reminisce the board exam questions til two weeks thereafter and even tried to look for answers! When things get extremely tachycardic, I kneel and pray, "Lord, please let me pass the board exam." Plain and simple as it is.

To tell you, it's tough to handle situations when relatives, friends, batchmates and professors would tell you "Oh anong top ka sa tingin mo?" I will just shrug off the question, smile and say "Basta pumasa po, okay na ako dun!" :) Isa pa, "Sure naman akong papasa ka e! Ang tanong nalang anong top ka!" Don't get me wrong ha? Of course, nakakataba ng puso for people to shower you with so much admiration and trust! But at times, all I can say is "ahh.. errr."

It was a Friday afternoon. News has it that results are ought to be released that night. So I decided to do a House, MD marathon nalang kesa kabahan! I was scheduled to go to my Papa's office that day, but my sleepy self wasn't able to wake up. Hahaha! In the middle of episode 17, texts started to flood in! The first text I received was from my highschool friend, Berlynn de Ramos. It says, "Jc, congratulations!!" I was stunned and I immediately ran to our PC. Finally, I saw my name with all it's RN glory!! :) I CRIED WHILE TEXTING MY PARENTS. I was overjoyed! I was elated! It felt like all the happiness was poured to my heart more than it can handle!

After the tension came to a low point, people started to share their mini frustrations unto my FB chatbox. "Bakit wala ka sa top? Sayang :(" How was I supposed to reply? All I can say was that "Okay lang yun!"

WITH ALL HONESTY, I CAN FRANKLY BLURT OUT that I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED NOR DID I CONSIDERED MYSELF A FAILURE for not being in the Top Ten. Maybe because I wasn't really expecting it after all. The exam was so hard. I did my best during the review. I tried to be the best student FEU NRMF School of Nursing has seen by being on time. (Okay, exaggerated! Hahaha) I read books, I splurged my allowance on review materials and ate alot to supply my drained brain. It was my personal definition of "best".

I don't regret not praying "Lord, please save a place for me at the Top Ten". Na baka if ever I prayed that, God will indeed give me a spot. But I realized, kahit naman di ko ipagpray yung spot sa Top Ten, if God knows it's good for me, He will give it. God has His plans unknown to man. I don't see it as a punishment, or as a means of saying you're not just good enough to be at the Top Ten. I see it as His way of saying "Here you go my child, be the best nurse that you can be." At the end of the day, I did not fail my expectations. And that is more important. I am at peace. :) Yung sinasabi ng iba, mahirap i-handle yun. Pero yung maguluhan yung sarili mo dahil sa personal expectations mo na di mo nafulfill, MAS mahirap yun. :)

In the end, just because you weren't a topnotcher doesn't mean you are less of the smart person that you already are. Di ba? :)

People still love you :) And so as I end this, my heart rejoices!! RN ako!!! :)

In all my RN glory!! :)
Respectfully Yours, JESSICA MARIE S. PELAGIO, RN